Men and the Mother wound
So, why this blog? After connecting with so many souls on this very topic of relationships, twin flames and love, I had an overwhelming urge to share. I am hoping that my ponders will spark something within those who are seeking their own answers and who are desiring a full on awareness that in most cases we all need to take a step back and heal parts of ourselves in order for us to LOVE FULLY. However, personally I am not seeking immediate answers this is an issue that is far greater than myself but one that many women seem to be thinking about a lot myself included.
Twin flame reunions are on the rise in my generation. Once something rarely spoken about is now happening amongst many souls here on the planet who've contracted before incarnation to reunite. However, I've read, listened too stories from both men and women and experienced my own potential encounter with a twin flame and they have all been unrequited. Why is that? From a personal perspective I used to think that maybe it was because more personal work has to be done? But that is how a Moon in Virgo associates loss or even what we perceive as failure! Then I began to go deeper, since twin flame energies are about TWO PEOPLE coming together to make each whole, then something is missing, what's the piece? From my research the issue always points back to the moon.
For any reunion whether twin flame, soul mate, sexual liaison, friends with benefits to be fruitful for both parties, our emotional connection, our continued relatedness and bonding needs to be on solid ground, understood and incorporated before any positive experiences can be truly embodied. If we are not at least conscious of the need to heal the "mother wound" then we will surely not last long, and will come up against all forms of resistance due to these wounds not having been recognized or healed.
Before I get into the "mother wound" and what it looks like in dysfunctional patterns, please allow me to say that I am NOT in any way bashing mothers in general! After all as a mother I know we are not PERFECT, and never will be. However, I do believe that mothers can do a much better job of being more CONSCIOUS in how we are raising, guiding and teaching our children. You might say I have an advantage at meeting that goal because I am an astrologer and esoteric soul, maybe that's true, however, my goal is to assistance anyone who wishes to go down their own rabbit hole and accessing their own capability of seeing HOW THEY CAN take back their own POWER as mother's and women and to not only heal their relationships with their children but also with themselves. So easy to talk about forgiveness, but in order to do so, we have to first UNDERSTAND what we need to forgive. Lastly, a large part of our mothering patterns (MOON) has been created by generational expectations and societal impact. I say this due to the importance of women of color to understand that in many ways, the manner in which we were raised by our mothers, was due to the impact that our highly negative, dangerous and non inclusive society had on our MOTHERS and our GRANDMOTHERS. I offer our mothers love and healing light in that regard, however, I am always a firm believer that we all have the power to change if we find it valuable and let's be honest many women who are mothers don't find or feel the need to do so, they are too bogged down in ego and fear. Much of what many women are encountering in my generation and in other generations is simply emotional abuse. I stand up and say: "It's time we heal the wound!"
So, I started the blog speaking about men and the "mother wound" let me get back to that.
Some men seem to be attracted to dysfunctional relationships with women who quite frankly abuse them. Please allow me to be clear, when I use the term "abuse" I am not using the term lightly! I have heard stories of pure ratchet emotional devastation that many men put up with for various reasons, some is in relation to an external need that is being met by particular women, i.e; he has a child or children and needs her to be an at home mom helping him to take care of his kids why he's away at work or, he needs to add another income to his payroll so he can actually have the lifestyle that he wants because he doesn't have good credit or he doesn't have a formal education so he wants his partner to reflect his need to seem articulate, educated and accomplished. Those are examples of external needs that have more to do with the ego than with our true needs or emotions. However, when the heart and the emotions become mixed in, I don't ever think I've seen so much passivity in terms of literally settling for someone due to them wanting to be committed, married, loved for who they are by women who use them for what they've got or how good they are in the bedroom! In other words, these women have moon wounds as well! Now what he wants lines up with the good stuff we all want when we fall for someone, however, the actions of the women are a sure sign, they in fact NOT a match.
So what makes these men stay? What makes them keep trying to make a doomed relationship work?
Upon having conversations with some of these men that I have met or when looking at their charts I am never shocked to find that there are hard or difficult aspects connected directly to their moon! If I am in a conversation with them and they inadvertently begin speaking about their mother and how she is not or did not meet a need for them while growing up, I've in essence hit pay dirt! Now keep in mind that the moon is an unconscious energy so a lot of times when men are speaking about these experiences they are not able to tie them into their mother's nurturance or lack there of while growing up, but when it's discussed on different occasions and I sense he's ready to tie it in, I breach the subject. I have had very positive results thus far, many have been READY to hear that they may want to consider digging into the shadow of the mother wound before attempting to embark on a serious journey with a woman again. What's been even more refreshing is that a few have actually spoken about the desire or a sensation of a Twin Flame reunion and that they are more than willing to learn and grow, but most of all heal so that they can be relationship ready!
So what does a "Mother Wound" look like?
Anything having to do with the following:
So, what should be Make sure we see in a healthy man in order to increase our chances
- His emotional state; is it immature? Does he pout when he can't get his way? Does he turn to you for emotional reassurance when you don't respond in a manner that makes him feel comfortable?
- Does he reject acts of kindness, hugs, affection, or physical touch? Does he connect with you comfortably on a physical level and this does not include SEX.
- Is he able to sit down and speak with you calmly about what his needs are in a relationship? Does he share his vision with you about the two of you in the relationship?
- Does he speak negatively about his mother? Does he communicate in a healthy manner with his mother? Does he see his mother if she is still living? Does he want you to meet his mother? Does he cling to his mother and turn to her when making life decisions? Does he have healthy boundaries with his mother? Does she feel as though she can control you or his relationship with you?
- What is his approach to food? Is he an emotional eater? Does he binge or even purge? Does he swallow his pain with food? Does he try and fulfill a need through the foods that he eats?
- Does he cry easily and freely during sad moments? Does he keep his feelings and emotions bottled in?
- Does he make excuses for unacceptable behavior of other women he's claimed to be in love with? Does he cling to unhealthy unions with women?
There are many more questions to ask yourself if a man you are interested in is emotionally available, you can create your own list and share! No doubt this can be indicators of a "mother wound"
- Make sure he's emotionally available and willing to respond to your emotional needs in a positive way
- Make sure he is truly single, often times men will over compensate for what he needs by quantity and not quality
- Make sure he's PRESENT in the relationship with you. That when he's with you, he's with YOU
- Make sure you set clear boundaries on what you need and what your desires are, if you don't he may sense he can do whatever he wants and that takes away from the emotional sensitivity that we need to have in a relationship
- Make sure he shows compassion and empathy when engaging with you, in conversation and in bed, when a man is intuitively in "touch" with his woman, he's showing you that he cares about you and your needs.
- Make sure he asks you questions! If he already feels like he knows what you need and who you are, he's taking away your power of choice and free will and unless you've got a BDSM relationship that's not allowed!
- Make sure he's a man that finds the feminine utterly attractive and finds the power, energy and expression of femininity as something to honor and respect, if he does this, he is showing an unconscious alignment with the divine feminine energies.
- Make sure when you have disagreements he keeps his hands to himself and even in a heated exchange he doesn't use verbal abuse or threats!
- Make sure you feel safe around him at all times!
- Make sure he can apologize if he makes a mistake
- Make sure he is honest and forthright in his communication with you and others