The importance of compaitability in love relationships: Women Reclaim the TEMPLE

Here we are at the beginning of a new relationship! This one by far outshines the ones you've had in the past and you sense that this one holds promises to experiences you've never had before! Your heart skips beats, your palms start to get sweaty, your mouth gets dry and you can't seem to get them off of your mind. Yep! Those are the physical reactions we have to love. "Endorphin pops" and yes they get deeper, and more frequent each time you are in the presence of the individual that you are chemically attracted too. Now keep in mind, this chemical reaction does not have to just happen in person, it can happen when your not together, that is the most powerful expression, just hearing their voice, a chuckle, an inflection can create these chemicals to go haywire! Love is a complicated thing.

At this stage love is testy at best! You experience all of these fluctuating emotions, doubt, fears and extreme sexual appetites, swooning desire to be connected by any means necessary!  Is all of this normal? Yes it is and in my opinion it should be celebrated, after all humans need contact, affection, love and tenderness to thrive.  However, drum roll please!

One of the most challenging aspects of this relating is finding out whether or not you are compatible for a love relationship! Yep. That means taking your time to allow the energy of love to flow through you, instead of crashing down on you and blurring your vision. Sure, love feels good and it has it's moments of intense longing, that is the sweet part, in the midst of all of that is the reality of the pairing, it's crucial that we all pay more attention to the relating patterns of a partner before taking the plunge into the depths of passion. Yes, ladies I know... lust is a powerful thing. It beckons like a full moon in a dark forest where monsters are behind every tree, whose the monster? Loneliness of  course, sexual arousal steeping in desire that has not been quenched, the need for affection, validation, connection.. need I go on?

What society doesn't teach us in sex ed classes back in 8th grade (remember that?) is HOW to relate to others, be they man, man, woman, woman, or woman and man. We are inclusive here.  When all of the hormonal stuff is happening, what do we do with it when we are chemically attracted to someone that will keep us grounded and thinking clearly?  What does it look like? 

It looks like taking love and attraction in stages of development, getting to know someone, how they think, react to life, finding out what's important to them, seeking a deeper connection other than just with the body, truly finding out how they communicate, what are their dreams, goals, and how do you fit into their picture of life. Of course this is a two way street, your partner should be thinking the same way and seek to be in your space, taking your time figuring it all out.

From commercials, movies, music, TV, bill boards, magazines, advertisements we are bombarded with images and messages to look a certain way, have love and relationships in our lives, and when we don't see our own lives reflecting that truth, we feel like when we do get a glimmer of it, it needs to be rush, rush, rush!! I don't know about you, but in my past when I rushed things, it doesn't always end up being the BEST thing for me. Why? Because when you rush you MISS things that you would normally see when taking it slowly and savoring each and every moment.  Relaxing into bonding is the best gift you can give yourself and your partner. It allows the chemical reactions to reach their highs and lows and to settle into a spectrum of balance. Sure, I am not saying the chemical reactions are going to go away, they won't, but if you are using both your heart and your mind when relating, you'll know what you're getting yourself into, and therefore you'll put yourself in a better position to make better choices.

Of course there are exceptions to every "rule".  And I by no means consider myself an expert, I am only offering my wisdom. Some attractions with others hit so fast and so hard that trying to slam on breaks is futile! Don't beat yourself up! When both engines have cooled a bit, step back and take a look at what's transpired and see if you can figure out where you want to go. To do this takes honesty and an understanding about chemical responses in both men and women. Women when having sexual relations tend to BOND quicker than men. Therefore we seek relationships faster, while men can stay in the friendship or instant attraction mode longer. This can cause for some confusion when trying to get closer and it seems as though he's just not interested. Reassess what your needs are and don't be afraid to ask him what are his, chances are you'll come to some kind of an understanding sooner than later.

One of the biggest concerns I have found in women is that we can move too fast towards SEXUAL UNION!!!

While I believe it is every woman's rite to choose with whom she will share her body with, I also find it imperative to offer another perspective, strictly from a spiritual perspective. As sacred sexual Priestess, I find many woman rushing into sexual unions with men, moving from one man to the next man, sharing her most sacred part of herself to many instead of the one that deserves to taste her flesh. Women seeking to make emotional connections that will bond the relating patterns before they have even begun the dance of getting to know someone. Whether or not she will like someone and want to create a friendship with someone. I find that many women fall into this trap as society seeks to send mixed messages about what we are supposed to be in relation to our own sexuality and beauty. Shaming us if we are free and calling us chaste and frigid if we choose to withhold our bodies for pleasure until we feel we're ready for that kind of connection. No, it's not fair and it's confusing when messages of women being so independent are everywhere and yet the marriage rate is lower than it ever has been in our history! Spiritually the expression of our sexuality, this connection impacts our vibration,  it penetrates our mind set and deeply affects our emotions. If we choose to uplift, elevate and honor our sacred sexual bodies then it is in my opinion we not only need to make choices that will turn a yes into a no, but to also honor our bodies by denying the flesh until the heart knows where it's going! Does this take discipline and self love? Yes, it also takes conscious awareness of who we are, what we want and what it is we choose to experience with our bodies.  We have to re frame our expression and share that truth with the men we are attracted too, after all it is we who hold the power in whether or not that sexual union will even take place. It's time to reclaim it! To recapitulate what our sexual bodies need and how we choose to wield that power and share it with the one that is deserving of it's pleasure, bliss and ecstasy. I believe you will know who he/she is when they show you that they honor the entire process of relating with you.

Briefly I will explain how the connectivity can work when beginning to love someone. Understand this love does not have to start off in person, I've got clients who've met their "King", "Prince charming" and "Husbands" online! Go figure, technology has a HEART.  The goal is to expand upon the relating pattern in such as way that it naturally falls into the middle of the three circles as you see pictured above.

We have LOVE, SEX, FRIENDSHIP. Within the 3 circles you'll find an over lap of love, sex, and friendship.

1. We always want to get somewhere in the middle. Marriage or long term relationships come from this union. Simply because there is a balance. The two took time to get to know one another, sex followed and then LOVE blossomed on a deeper level. Where we have love and sex, and friendship over lapping. Of course nothing is "perfect" but it's a good place to be in.

2. When we have friendship and sex, we have the term "friends with benefits" this is more than likely a "sex buddy". Sex more than likely happened first, a friendship occurred afterward but there wasn't enough information or knowledge about one another yet to build on a love relationship.  More than likely "true" love will be difficult to materialize.

2. The "it's complicated" portion of the circles where love and friendship meet is due to the sex getting in the way. So it's a reversed expression of the sex, and friendship portion. Again, we want somewhere in the middle.

Romantic compatibility is never an easy thing to determine. Nothing ever goes as smoothly as we plan it, but if you are conscious in what you need and how you desire to relate, then you are beginning the process of honoring your body and your heart. The act of love is what sustains life, it brings us hope, joy and allows us to build a foundation so strong that nothing can break it down. Creating friendships, liking the person and seeing if you have similar goals, morals, likes/dislikes, etc are the key to this kind of lasting relationship. That means when the endorphin pop subsides, and the sheets, kitchen sink, shower, car, etc cool off, you've got someone you LIKE and are willing to work with than someone you don't even think you really care to know. Love with all of your heart and soul and know you are worthy of experiencing each and every moment to the fullest.

**shameless but truthful plug** Many of you know I am an astrologer, understand that astrology can also assist you in gaining deeper insights into compatibility with a potential partner! The key is to learn the partner's potential and where they are at, using it as a guide for the love the two of you are building, however, the "holding out" phase is still imperative. :)  Please visit and check out the Synestry chart readings for couples.

Love and much radiant light!


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