NSFW: To submit or not to submit in relationships? Can this be linked to spirituality? Part I

NSFW: note*This topic is going to be a pretty controversial one. Please note that these are my views and opinions and do not reflect the entire diaspora of spiritual teachers, guides or practitioners. My views are given from my perspective, a black woman and again do not encompass the entire black community.

Submission. IN this first installment we are going to take a look at the word submissive, break it apart and gain a different understanding about what the word actually means. Part II will discuss HOW it can enhance your relationship, understanding that it's a choice and how it can spiritually allow both you and your partner to evolve.

The very word submission can conjure up ill feelings and immediate rejection amongst most women in today's world. Such ideas are seen as out dated and oppressive to many who buy into the energetic expression of a "modern society."  Many women, especially black women are now gaining college degrees at a pace that has been unprecedented in history, choosing careers over family, heading single family households in record numbers by choice and proving that men are no longer needed to survive.  While I hold that much of what we can and have accomplished as women is viable to our self worth and self esteem, I also must bring balance and another perspective on how these very achievements have cost many of us something precious. Positive relationships with men.  Now before you discount what I am about to share with you and click off the blog, please allow me to explain.



Both men and women have intrinsic patterns in relating with the opposite sex.  We both have intrinsic and biological needs that demand expression and application if we are going to engage in the dance of  attracting, mating, engaging and partnership.  In 2013 our "modern society"  has taken much of what was "normal" as a species and altered it dramatically to look like something else. Chock full of competition, anger, disrespect and cruelty. You've seen it, all one has to do is listen to today's music, such as hip hop, what's considered R&B and watch reality TV to figure out what messages we are being sent about the relationships of both men and women.  This is pushed in our faces as something to be desired and longed for.  I am here to say, it's all brainwashing and seriously hurting our relationships, our choices in men and our self worth.
AS women we are taught two distinct messages that are very different.  Of course this happens while growing up, and at such a tender age, we are not fully paying attention. Those messages are to be submissive to your husbands (men, boys)  but also to be competitive as possible or you wont' survive.

These messages have caused in my opinion some major conflict for both sexes! We are literally raised to live out that conflict sending mixed messages to our partners but also to ourselves. Now I won't get into the science, the actual chemical reaction in this blog series, but let it be duly noted that our chemistry is loaded with receptors that dictate we subconsciously seek out these dynamics in relationships. Women being the nurturers or care givers, while men protect and hunt.

We've seen a break down in relating to our men, we've seen a break down in our ability to even communicate, and dare I say we've seen a breakdown in our willingness to be and become vulnerable? We all too often find ourselves hiding the truth of who we are from ourselves and other simply because we have to be in control or prove that we are strong, capable and can run this without having a man step into his place. When we don't allow for him to take his place in our lives, he feels dejected, wounded, confused, angry, hurt and just down right spiteful. Is this what we want to create in our relating?  For many of us I would have to say no! We want love, juicy, unrelenting waves of love crashing down on us, allowing us to truly soar!

So, why don't we take a look a the word submission, hopefully I can provide you with a true understanding of what the word entails. Let us keep in mind when looking at this word, that what you were taught about submission has really nothing to do with any religion, it does have to do with a desire, a position, a choice. Some people are submissive in nature and some are dominant, and either sex can be either role, what I am seeking here is a deeper understanding of the word, and anyone can apply it as they see fit, but in this blog I am going to speak of a woman being submissive and the man being the dominant partner. Why? Because that is what's real for ME. I know many active feminists will be frothing at the mouth reading this, but I have friends who are staunch feminists and believe me when the right man came along and swept them off their feet, you should have seen how in touch with their submission they became. See?  It's all a matter of you living YOUR truth in relationship to the word. Let's go deeper.


Submission. What's the word even mean? The Websters dictionary defines submission as: "

Definition of SUBMISSION

1.
  an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection); 
b: the condition of being submissive humble, or compliant
2
: an act of submitting to the authority or control of another 
We are going to specifically look at 1b and 2.
1b. Lets look at the word humble and compliant: To be humble means to be willing to allow another to make choices with you in a relationship. The very act of humility means:

Definition of HUMBLE

1
: not proud or haughty : not arrogant or assertive
2
: reflecting, expressing, or offered in a spirit of deference or submission 
 1. of this definition (humility)
How often have you heard the argument that black women are arrogant? That we often have displays of "attitude" or a demeanor that is too assertive? How many times have we heard that black women are trying to be "the man" in a relationship? Again, how many times have you heard that we are too "haughty"?  When in line with the concept of submission all of these traits falls to the wayside and when you are humble you are showing your partner that you can respect, and concede to his opinions and choices. This is what deference means. Allowing him or the dominant partner to walk tall and make the choices. and decisions that is the best for the both of you! 

2. (submission) The dictionary says the act of submission is giving up authority to another. This does not mean YOU are not an authority or do not have a voice. A man who is truly confident in his position in the relationship will always WELCOME TO HEAR your voice and honor what it is you have to say. However, when it comes to making the decisions, he's got the final say. So often we hear that to be submissive means you have to be quiet, not be heard, be unseen. That is not true by it's definition. That was created from someone who wanted to keep women under a boot, not to allow her to flourish under healthy relationship patterns, with a responsible other.

Keep in mind when attracting a viable, healthy partner, "giving up" this sense of  "power" to your "other", may not be all that difficult.  Please understand that I am painting a picture of both partners being able to offer the other respect, admiration and honesty. We are going to assume that both are healthy, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I would never use this concept as a blanket for ALL men and ALL women. One must always use the gift of discernment when choosing to relinquish this kind of control, even power over to another, something that many of us are not taught how to do properly. To be submissive is to be empowered. You are independent, powerful, intelligent and capable of taking care of all things happening in your life, however, when you offer some or all of that up for your partner to handle with you, you are sending him a very strong message that he is capable and worthy of your trust and that he plays a major role in your life, your love and your heart.



You may be asking, where is the spiritual piece!?  
2. (humility) Reflecting, this is where we are standing in front of our partner as a mirror to what we need and what they need. We we reflect what is healthy for the relating patterns of the relationship we are vastly improving the success of that relationship. Reflecting means to MIRROR. What I give my partner he reflects back to me and vice verse. Many believe that relationships such as this can be a TWIN FLAME relationship.  Check it out here if you're not familiar with the concept. http://www.twinflamesigns.org/twin-flame-union

Therefore I would seek to reflect positive things to him in support of his desire to be a leader! I would express that through my submission to him. In my submission I find power because I know it is a gift. 

When we allow the universe to move through us in a way that brings harmony, peace and love to one another we are being submissive. Submissive to the energies and vibration of the universe, the earth and by receiving this gift we are supported in life. Spiritually there are universal laws, and within each of us, those laws are imprinted and present within our bodies. We KNOW what they are without speaking them, but due to our societal conditioning I believe many of us, men and women alike have forgotten them. We've become desensitized to what we intrinsically KNOW. When releasing, relinquishing, dissolving fear, past hurts, pain, exposure to negative experiences and images we can begin to see a future that offers so much more just preconceived notions of who we were told we SHOULD be.  I am not saying that the act of submission, the choice of submission is for every woman, I am saying that taking it back to nature, finding the balance that is within, and forming new patterns of relating can heal so much within ourselves, within our men, within our own communities. The only way this is going to happen is we lead as examples. Living that truth and offering those men who deserve it our submission. Spiritually this raises the octave on how we can all grow and ascend as human beings. How we evolve affects future generations, and it provides them with a clear foundation of what love and relating patterns can truly be like. Ultimately the nature of how you submit to your partner is up to you and your partner. Submission for many covers many definitions and practices. I however, uphold the traditional with a progressive twist to it. For me it's about authentic living in accordance to the nature of both man and woman and spirit. Making life Sweet as honey.


"Above all, I will wear my title of submissive with honor, I will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak, a doormat, disrespected or abused!
  I will take pride in who and what I am, and will never show myself in a negative way. I will always allow my words and my behavior to shine favorably upon my partner (husband)  in private and in public."   




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Ritual: Blessing a Mom whose depressed

A Mother's Day to remember*Shadow* ~ Waning Gibbous Moon in Capricorn*sidereal