TRUST~ The power we give this word determines the nature of our relationships
The word trust holds a powerful position in our society.
We are taught young what this word meas as we develop bonds with those who care for us. As we get older we create friendships or bonds with people who become important to us. We need to TRUST them so that we can FEEL SAFE. In relationships, we expect TRUST to be present as we expose the most intimate details of who we are, even if we don't see it consciously on a personal level.
When our expectations of TRUST are not met, we feel let down, disappointed betrayed and we loose faith in others and ourselves. We crawl back into ourselves, our caves and vow through the tears and pain that we will never be able to trust again. Then one day, when the sensation of the betrayal lessens, our innate desire to connect comes back, we begin or may not, to rebuild, heal and gain our balance as we go back out into the world to trust again. Then the cycle continues. Our expectation of TRUST and our disappointment when it is not met come crashing down on us, leaving us perplexed and wounded.
So, what is this expectation of TRUST anyway? Why is it we look for it outside of ourselves, instead of creating a sacred space within? TRUST has several definitions. According to Merriam Webster TRUST IS:
Definition of TRUST
a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b : one in which confidence is placed
a : dependence on something future or contingent : hope
Let's look at some KEY words here:
Looking at these key words pertaining to trust we already can see some serious set backs. Let's take a deeper look.
Assurance: is not always something we can get consistently from others. Why? Simply because we are HUMAN and as human beings our feelings change with our MOOD, experiences, desires and environment. The only assurance we can receive is from ourselves. Depending on others to assure us of anything is setting ourselves up for a fall. We have to allow others to be who they are at any given moment with love.
Character: Character is something that is very important when creating relationships. Character will dictate what energy one puts out into the universe and how that is received depends on the message. However, if someone is growing, shifting and evolving, character can sometimes be hard to measure. We all respond to life differently and there are many times individuals can step "out of character" causing confusion. When this happens we often feel violated. The reason we feel violated is because the person that briefly changed, made our comfort level drop and insecurity step in. Allowing others some wiggle room to grow is necessary to our evolution, if we don't we are keeping individuals as prisoners for our own comfort level.
Confidence: Confidence in the other persons ability to do "something" for us. This facilitates the sensation of trust. However, when that individual does something that disturbs or confuses us, we feel as though we lack trust. Is this an illusion? It can be. Confidence is something we find in ourselves not in others. Even if the other person shifts perspective, it should have no bearing on our confidence level, it should place us in the space of compassion, allowing others room to be HUMAN too.
Dependence: In relationships dependency can occur. Is dependency healthy? No it isn't. Dependency is created when one or both partners lack something within and therefore seek it from a partner who in their minds will not let them down. It is in fact a control tactic to keep something in our lives we don't think we can provide for ourselves. When an expectation of receiving something from another under the guise of NEEDING them to breathe is not healthy, or empowering. What it does is create guilt, anger, resentment and unrealistic expectations. Often we look to others to provide things we can provide for ourselves. Most of the things we find we need are related to how we feel about ourselves, our abilities and our self love. Others can not love us ore than we can love ourselves. Loving yourself is the greatest act of LOVE we can bring to the universe and to our lovers.
Future: Living in and for tomorrow takes us out of enjoying the NOW. When we seek tomorrow we loose the essence and joy of TODAY.
Hope: Ahh good ol hope! What does HOPE actually mean anyway? To seek or look forward to an outcome of some future event. To cherish or desire and expectation. Now don't get me wrong. I grew up on the word hope. But to hope means that you may have an unconscious fear that it WON'T happen. This is how people are "set up" from TRUST. If you have an unconscious expectation, hope that the relationship can be trustworthy and something happens to violate your TRUST, then your trust WILL be violated. Hoping means that it is also an ILLUSION. To come out of the cycle of hoping, we must begin living in the now and engaging with ourselves and others day to day with only the expectation of love in our beings, in our bodies. When we do this the illusion of HOPE can fade into REALITY as we experience it within and without.
TRUST is something that needs to be cultivated from within. If we choose to share information, confide in anyone, become vulnerable with someone, then it's a CHOICE. We can choose to reveal only what we want others to see, or we can strip naked with another soul who desires to do the same. Creating sacred space for trusting ourselves and being in the moment is the best gift we can give ourselves. People change, we are supposed too, we sometimes don't keep promises and yes, at times we can be down right despicable, however, we are all here to learn and doing so by creating and sustaining SELF loving relationships building character, INNER TRUST, creating that inner VOICE, LOVE, and healthy devotion can take a lot of the unrealistic expectations off of OTHERS we choose to love in our lives. That to me is TRUST.